The 31 Things Men Should NEVER Wear: Do you agree?
Posted on January 10 2018
Are you a guy that’s “into fashion”? If you’re like most men out there, the answer is no. That’s okay, though. We weren’t really into fashion for a long time either. Obviously, that couldn’t last forever, seeing as how we want to know a thing or two about our business. Thus, we’ve been seeking out new avenues of style education and enlightenment. And where do people go these days when they are seeking the counsel of the wise? YOUTUBE, of course!
We’ve been familiarizing ourselves with some of the most illustrious and well respected men's fashion personalities on YouTube, and here’s a newsflash: They’re not all men! One such pundit is Ms. Ashley Weston, a contributing editor for GQ magazine, and well known Men’s Style Expert.
Upon checking out Ashley’s channel, we found a video titled “The 21 Things Men Should NEVER Wear”. (Wow. Never? Only a Sith deals in absolutes, Ashley. And, yes, we realize that statement itself is an absolute, but don’t question Obi Wan!)
Then, we found a follow up video from Ashley that added 10 more items to the list of things that men should NEVER wear. As a result, we have a total of 31 things that Ashley says men should NEVER wear.
So, as people that haven’t’ really been into fashion for very long, we thought we’d sift through the list and see if we agree with the items in question. Feel free to check out the videos above and follow along with our list below point-by-point, or all at once. Then, at the end, we’ll see if there are any interesting conclusions we can draw from Ms. Weston’s list. Let’s begin!
Ashley Weston’s 31 Things Men Should NEVER Wear:
1. Gaudy/pinky rings: It’s pretty easy to take a stand against gaudy things. It’s not like gaudy is an inherently positive word, so we agree on this one. Pinky rings, though? 🤔 Well, unless you’re in the mafia, or the ring otherwise has some sort of utility, it’s probably a non-starter fashion-wise.2. Too much cologne: Ashley says to put spread one or two drops across your wrists and neck, or just not wear cologne at all. We think that some colognes do smell good (gasp!), and - if you’re bothering to put it on - people should actually be able to smell it. Just choose your scent wisely and don’t go heavy with it. Two or three spritzes MAX!3. Sock with sandals: The real world isn’t a 1960s summertime BBQ in the suburbs. Therefore, this is a definite no-no.4. Sandals: If we had to limit our feet’s existence to being trapped inside of dead cow at all times when we’re out of the house, then how is life worth living? Feet need to breathe too! While we should be aware that supercasual isn’t an everyday fashion, sometimes the weather just calls for flip flops, and we’ll not endorse body shaming, no matter how much “nobody wants to see your toes.”5. Shorts that go past your knees: Yeah. Those days are long gone, friends. Them Jnco shorts just ain’t workin’ anymore. Loose and baggy is out. Keep it tight, keep it right.
6. Old, dirty shoes: The only old, dirty things that we respect around here are bastards.
7. Cartoon printed boxers: Okay now. This is hitting a little close to home, but given the examples that Ashley provided, we can get on board with this notion. Fellas, it’s time to throw out the Sponge Bob and Dragonball underwear. (Okay. You can keep one pair. We don’t want your inner child to die. Just don’t wear them to a black tie event or anything. That just ain't right. 😉)
8. T-shirts with branded logos on them: While we can’t really be staunchly against something so basic, t-shirts with logos on them aren’t really fashionable, nor subversive. Don’t be a walking billboard. That’s what “The Man” wants you to do.
9. Baggy, ill-fitting clothes: Can we just acknowledge the ridiculous framing on so many of these? “What kind of X shouldn’t you wear? Why, ugly, stupid X, of course.” It’s pretty easy to be negative about stuff when you throw a bunch of pejorative adjectives in front of it. But we digress… Yes. Baggy, ill-fitting clothes are right out.
10. Tank tops: This really depends on where you live and what the weather is like. There are definitely times where a tank top is fine, so we’d have to disagree that men should NEVER wear tank tops. Just make sure they aren’t only white. There’s a difference between a tank top and an undershirt, guys.
11. Skinny jeans: We’re starting to feel like Goldilocks, here. “Not too loose. Not too skinny. Just right.” Hey, if you got the legs to pull them off, go for it.
12. Pointy/square shoes: We can get on board with this. No need to get too cute with the toes of your shoes. None of us are witches, genies, elves or pilgrims.
13. Deep v-neck t-shirts: Man cleavage? No thanks. V-necks aren't for philosophers. No need to get so deep.
14. Big, square, or monogrammed belt buckles: Unless you literally wear a cowboy hat and boots, we have no idea how you’re going to pull off one of these anyway.
15. Leather bracelets: Can we add puka shell necklaces in with these? This is in all-to-familiar and all-to-unflattering combo.
16. Elongated Shirts: How did this style even become a thing to begin with? Maybe a couple hundred years into the future when we’re living in a Star Trek society these will be en vogue, but for now the style is either ahead of its time or something that should never have been.
17. Soul patch: If you’re going to have facial hair… have facial hair. A ‘patch’ of any kind just seems weak and non-committal.
18. Crocs: Uhhhhhhh… There’s not really any way to argue in favor of these.
19. Earrings and facial piercings: Earrings done right can be a fine affectation, but facial piercings are a whole different animal. Neither is really going to help you much as far as being taken seriously as a professional man is concerned, but that largely depends on your particular profession.
20. Short-sleeve sweatshirts: Unless you’re a boxer in training or Bill Belichick, these probably aren’t going to be a good look for you.
21. Dress shoes with sneaker soles: Like we said with soul patches previously, if you’re going to wear dress shoes… wear dress shoes. However, unlike soul patches, these shoes can have a fun, funky look to them that actually work with some fun, funky outfits.
22. Dad hats: It’s true. These are just about one of the lamest and ugliest pieces of headwear that men can don. The only time you should even possess one of these is if it was included in some corporate event’s swag bag, and even then it should be discarded so that you will not be tempted to try it on.
23. Stacks of beaded bracelets: Stacks of bracelets on a guy is just unnecessary. You won’t be impressing anyone with this look.
24. The ‘confused’ look: If Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith are the pioneers of just about any kind of look, it’s pretty safe to assume you shouldn’t be imitating it.
25. Flannel: Come on now. How are you gonna come down hard on a staple like flannel? Ron Swanson is spinning in his grave! Sure, for the celebrities any other city slickers that Ashley works with on a daily basis, flannel is probably out of place, but to say that a man should NEVER wear flannel is a slap in the face to all that is manly. There ARE still lumberjacks in the world, after all.
26. Spiky hair: This isn’t an anime. Save the spikes for your cleats, and possibly your collars, depending on your particular playtime predilections.
27. The ‘dad look’ (T-shirt tucked into pair of ankle length jeans or trousers, with white socks and sneakers): This is a very specific look to call out. From what we’ve seen, it’s a style that is kind of nerdy, but intentionally so. If you can pull it off, and you like the way it looks, we don’t see why you should NEVER rock it.
28. Male rompers: These are at full Nancy Reagan status: Just say no.
29. Bow ties: Some of the most obnoxious, blowhardiest people that we can think of are devout acolytes of the bow tie, and that is enough for us to tell you to leave them out of your everyday ensembles. You have the green light to go with a black bow tie if you’re wearing a tux, but otherwise you’ll not be evoking any strong positive feelings from those around you with your bow tie.
30. Sports sunglasses: Got a softball game today? Put ‘em on. Got literally anything else to do today? You best find yourself some aviators, wayfarers, or even round style sunglasses.
31. Jorts: Why is John Cena the only person that can pull off jorts? Because you can’t see him.
Seriously, though, it’s time to bury your jean shorts in the back of a long forgotten closet, or maybe even your backyard. One member of the Rock Atoll Crew dusted off his jorts to wear to a party recently, but only because the theme of the evening was “geek and nerd”. Give up on the jorts already. Updating your wardrobe with just about anything else is going to be a huge upgrade.
Clearly we don’t agree with absolutely every point that Ashley Weston has made in her videos on which things men should NEVER wear, but she also hits the nail on the head in many cases.
The #1 thing that we at Rock Atoll would like to point out about her list is that printed shorts are totally good to go! In fact, we believe that the era of bold prints being used in men’s shorts is just beginning, so we’ll not be seeing them mentioned in lists like this for a long time to come.
If you agree with us, we hope you’ll take a moment to check out the shorts in our store. We’re not saying that our shorts are something that you should ALWAYS wear, but we wouldn’t argue against it. 😬